when you don't have time

As some of you may know, the hubby and I don't get as much time together as most newlyweds. He works mostly evenings, and I work "typical" office hours during the day. I'm up early, he's home late. He used to be guaranteed Sundays off, but these days it seems like he never gets them, so there are no days in the week that we both have off at the same time.

However, I'm not throwing a pityparty.  This is what we have now and we're making it work.

In light of that, a few suggestions on spending time together when you don't have time, and making the most of what you have:

1.  Be awake. When the mister gets home after midnight, I do my best most nights to stay awake and wait up.  "That's crazy!" you say.  Well, yes. I'm up early for my own job, so why would I stay up until 1am?  The answer: because if I don't, we won't see each other. Hubby does the same; he wakes up for 10-15 minutes with me in the mornings before I head off to work, then falls promptly back to sleep.  If we weren't awake, we wouldn't get any time together. It'll make you tired, but for us, it's worth it.  And you know what? That's why God invented coffee. And weekends. And naps.

2.  Be present.  If you're only getting limited time together, you should be fully invested when you do get time.  Sitting and watching a movie is fantastic, but if you completely ignore each other all evening just to relax, you've let hours slip by that you can't get back. If you both happen to be home and need some time together, maybe the dishes or cleaning the bathroom or doing the laundry can wait.

3.  Make time. Can't say this enough.  If you want to see someone, make the time. Write it down, send text messages, create a schedule, brainstorm date night ideas, whatever it takes.

4.  Communicate.  Seems silly, right? Of course you're going to communicate. Well, when you don't see someone, communication becomes more...screen-based: texts, gchat, email, phone, etc. It's not very fun (compared to face-to-face), but it's important.  Not speaking to your spouse all day, every day, isn't going to work out well.  Gentlemen, she won't like it and I doubt you will, either. And, no, seeing someone for 20 minutes a day is not enough communication.  Found this out really quickly.  For us, the 10 minutes in the morning that he can be awake and the 20 minutes in the evening before I doze off are not enough. Thus the importance of...

5. Date nights! Or date days. Or lunch dates. Or whatever works. Just do it. It's worth it.

I know not all of you have the same dilemmas we face.  Many married couples see each other every night and all weekend and are in the opposite boat of trying to make time for friends.  But for those of us who face opposite work schedules, I hope our ideas help! We're still learning, so if you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them!

xoxo Susannah